Death. Its Natural.

I passed a hearse today. In the back lay a coffin. 

Was it someone’s mother, father, daughter or son?  A friend, aunt or grandparent?  Whatever label that person had they were someone’s loved one. Someone’s life.  

Life is precious. I say it so often because so many of us forget how precious life can be.  Today I was reminded of it. I was also reminded that I too will someday lay in the back of a hearse.

Its not something I like to think about often – death. But it’s as much a part of our life is as anything else. It’s natural and something each and everyone one of us will someday face. 

Seeing the hearse and coffin today was a reminder that my life is never guaranteed. Every day is a gift. Every day I am alive there is something to be thankful for and if I cant find anything to be thankful for than I can at least be thankful for the air I breathe and my heart that beats to keep me alive.

They say life is short. I don’t really believe in that. I say it’s not that its short its more that its wasted and not lived to its full potential. So many of us sit around waiting for life to happen, for it to start.

But life, this life of yours, IS yours. You are the driver, you are in control and you call the shots. Don’t let life take you over, take over your life!

Mobile Phone vs A Conversation

I feel rude. I hate this feeling and I have sat here all afternoon thinking about it.

Let me explain....

I was at the shops earlier today with all my boys. All three of them. Three active young boys. I had my youngest in the stroller and I was rushing around trying to get all the items I needed, in as quick as time possible, and to avoid any destruction made by my two active older boys.

A sweet old lady stops me suddenly and begins to tell me how cute my youngest is and that I should take a photo of him holding the loaf of bread. My 10 month old at this point was eating the bread and ripping it apart. I had only given it to him to entertain him and keep him quiet (as us mothers do!).

Before I had a chance to thank the sweet lady my mobile phone rang. I answered it and that ended that. I ignored her and continued on walking with my phone to ear and begun my conversation.

Why did I do this?

What made my phone call more important?

What has happened to us as a society!

When have phone calls become more superior and important than human interaction?

I see it often people cutting short their conversation to pick up and answer a phone. I'm guilty of it too. However with the way I feel now I won't be doing that in future.

I have learnt from it. I can call that person on the phone back. There will even be a record of their call. But that lovely old lady at the shops?  Well I can never call her back ....

Today I have learnt.

My Imagination

This morning I heard that sound. The sound that mothers of boys would recognise. ... that dreaded sound of a million individual lego pieces being dropped onto the floor. Naturally my first thought was 'well guess whose cleaning that up later'  followed by 'I'll be finding and treading on lego pieces for weeks'. 

However this all changed when ten minutes later they each brought me their creation.

I love the creativity of children. The way they can sit down to a bunch of lego and turn it in to something magnificent  When all I see is individual lego blocks they see creations waiting to happen. It reminded me of a quote by Albert Einstein I love 

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited, imagination encircles the world” - A. Einstein.

And what a gift imagination is. A gift all of us have received. No matter what your age, race or economical background imagination is something we have all been gifted with.   

So today I was reminded just how grateful I am for that little hidden gem tucked away inside of me called my imagination.

I Love. Love.

 I see it everywhere. In everything and in everyone

I see it here

and I see it here

I also see it in this

and right here.

 Love its everywhere. Its what we are made of.

As You Eat Your Dinner...

17,000 children die a day of starvation. What is there to be grateful about? For one walk to your cupboard. Take a look. Go the nearest supermarket. Take a look. Look at the amount of food that you have and can have whenever your hungry or even just slightly peckish. I had this realisation last night when looking at Julian in the bath thinking he was 'skinny'. It was in that moment I realised how blessed I was. I can nourish and feed my children whenever I want and with such ease and never will I have to watch my own children die from starvation.

I googled "starving children" in images and it was beyond upsetting. This photo was one of the least upsetting. It was the babies that broke my heart. Something has to be done. I am not sure what. But tonight as I eat my dinner and every night I feed my children dinner. I will not take it for granted. Ever.

The View

When climbing a mountain you are either climbing to reach the top or climbing so you get to enjoy the view whilst on the way up.

If your climbing to reach the top once you get there you’re done. It’s over. You have accomplished what you set out to do. Now what?

If you’re climbing to enjoy the view on the way up you’ll find that once you reach the top the reward wasn’t in getting to the top but the view you gained on the way up. 

Life is like that. You are always trying to get somewhere else or to reach that goal you are so focused on reaching. But what if you don’t reach that goal? What if that climber didn’t make it to the top?  He’d be left feeling disappointed and though his whole climb was for nothing. 

However if he were to look closely he would see that that there was never a loss. Even though he didn't make it the top like he had hoped, he still gained a lot from his climb. He gained further fitness, experience and of course the magnificent view trying to reach the top. 

I am not saying don’t set goals. By all means set them. Goals are a fantastic thing to set. I am just saying that when you put all your focus on a goal and its set outcome you may end up feeling disappointed if you don’t reach it. When in truth there is never a loss, only a a gain.

For example. If I were to focus all my sights and attention on a new job, my dream job. A flight attendant to be exact. Now I’m going to do all I can to become a flight attendant. I study, I train, I learn all there is about becoming a flight attendant.  Then the moment comes (the climb) I apply for the job. I don’t get it and worse I am told I can never be a flight attendant because I do not meet the height requirements. I am devastated. It was my dream and all that learning and studying was for nothing. Wrong. 

What about the view? It was there. It’s always there when you look for it. I would have gained so much. New friendships that I never would have made had I not studied the course I did. I would have learnt all about the many countries there are in this world and that I would now like to travel. I would have then found that I could apply for a travel agents job ( and with all my experience and training in becoming a flight attendant)  been given the job almost immediately. 

This travel agents job although wasn’t my dream job was even better. It would allow me to travel the world and at discount prices. And I’m sure when I did end up travelling the world I would have looked at all those flight attendants and realized that I was now in the better position.  I got to sit back, relax and travel and whilst they served me. I would have realised in that moment that I had it better.

Life always has better plans for us. Trust the process.

Bad Mummy Moment

"Its never too late to make a wrong right "

Is that a quote? It should be.

This morning I yelled at the kids. I felt awful. I am normally cool, calm and never swear at them. This morning however .... I dropped the "F" bomb*. Twice.

As I sat eating breakfast feeling bad about how I just treated the children I began making excuses for myself like "Its because its 10am and you haven't eaten breakfast yet, your just hungry and overreacting".

Then it came to me. "Its never too late to make a wrong right" and in that moment I forgave myself.

Yes we all have bad mummy moments and this was mine. Its done now and I can move on and learn from it.

I got up walked over to my eldest who I had just 'lost it at' and made the wrong right. I kissed him, hugged him, told him I loved him and asked for his forgiveness.

He forgave me.

 In fact he went on to say "but mummy you didn't yell, you weren't mean to me. I love you".

This morning taught me a few things.

1. My eldest child is amazing. Or deaf.

2. That forgiveness heals.

3. That in any moment we can make things better.

  
* Note "The F Bomb" is a term used when someone says that horrible F*ck word.

I love Hospitals.

My 9 month old had an appointment at the hospital recently (nothing serious) and it got me thinking...

Hospitals. I don't mind them. In fact I quite like them and enjoy visiting.

I understand that they aren't always the nicest places to be or to visit but they are also places full of hope and full of love.

Every time I visit a hospital I don't see heartache, illness, the sick and the dying. I see love.

I see it in the faces of  those caring for loved ones who are ill.  I see it in the faces of the nurses and the doctors. Who fight to save the life of someone who only moments ago was a complete stranger. I see it in a newborn baby and the face of its mother.

Love, its everywhere. Always. Its just a matter of looking for it.

The Yearning..

I will await you. I will wait an eternity for you, for I already have....

This is how I feel. This is what I have felt from the moment I was born. Well for as long as I have had the conscious awareness of her. She may never be in this lifetime but I will wait.

Its a yearning so strong. One that I could never describe or put into words. Some days are harder than others, when that yearning is stronger. Today is such a day.

However I am ok. I am ok because I believe in a higher power, a bigger plan, god. Whatever it is you call that source of life, the all there is and all that was. For it knows best and always has our best intentions at heart.

We must trust in that source and let life flow the way it does and allow it to take the course it needs to get us to where we are all destined to go.

Today I will trust. I will trust in that higher power. If I am to have a baby girl, my daughter, then one day I will. Until then I will wait.

If not then I will be blessed. Blessed with my three gorgeous sons. Whatever happens I will be happy. I will be happy. I will be grateful.

The Trail

Love is something you can’t control but you wish you could …

That’s what I was thinking this morning when I told one of my children I loved them.

It would sometimes seem easier not to love.  To protect ourselves from its force. For fear of getting hurt. But why?  

I’m sure you have heard of the saying “Its better to have loved than to have never loved at all”. There is truth in that. Ask anyone who lost someone they love. Ask my father.

 I’m sure if given the chance to go back in time and to that fateful evening 40 years ago when he  first  met my mother and to deny that love. To protect himself and to stop himself from falling in love, he wouldn't. How could when he now knows what that love created. It created three beautiful children (I for one included ;-P ) and a lifetime of memories. A lifetime of love. 

He can now look back at the 36 years they had together and be grateful for the times they shared despite the pain caused when the love did end. He knows the truth in the saying “It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have never  loved at all”.  

But is that so easy when you first fall in love? Or when presented with love? Its a gamble. You have to put yourself and your heart out there, and that can be scary. You may get hurt but then again you might not. And if you do happen to get hurt then all is not lost....

That is because love isn’t about how long it lasts or who it’s with. Love is about the gifts it brings. Those moments shared, the laughter, the joy,  and the memories created. The good times. These can never be lost or taken away even if the love does end. 

The trail love leaves behind is what love is about. Not when it starts or ends.  So be open. Love today and do so without the fear of ever losing something which can never be lost. The trail.

I love her

I love her.  That girl you see right there in that picture. It has only taken me 32 years to do so but I do.

This is me. And I can only now admit it without fear of sounding conceited or caring what others think.  I may not be perfect and I wouldn't want to be. I have faults. lots. Can point them out to you even, but its my faults that I have learnt to love. Its the 'faults' that make me, me.

I chose this photo and decided to post such an entry because I wanted to show you the raw me. The real me. Untouched, natural and how I am. As soon as I saw this photo I started to criticize and critique myself as we all do. Then I stopped as I realised how much love I have for this person. This person has carried me through so much. I also know that if I don't love me, who will? 

We must all learn to love ourselves first and foremost. Always.

Seasons

On hot days like today. I am grateful for seasons. As much as we all love summer can you imagine an entire year of heat and those warm hot sticky days.  Or perhaps you prefer the winter, but could you imagine an entire year of it? Seasons. I love them. How grateful I am to live in a place that has it all. The cold and the hot, the dry and the wet.

 

What are you grateful for?

 

What Makes Your Heart Sing?

Michael Jackson. Love him or hate him he was a legend. One of a kind. And I wander if there will ever be anyone like him again. I doubt it.

Michael Jackson was a unique individual and someone who will live on forever. His music reached out to many of us and will continue to in future and for that I am grateful.

We all have music in us and it doesn't die or end when we do. It lives on. It lives on in the lives of others. Your music is unique to you. It could be anything.

Your music is who you are and its a song that will never stop playing until it is heard. It is that thing you do that makes your heart sing. It makes you feel alive. Come alive. When you find it, whether it be singing, dancing, poetry, art or cooking it will never die. It will keep you alive and will live on forever in the lives of all those it touched.

So what is that you do? What is that makes your heart sing?

When you find what it is that makes your heart sing you will never stop singing it. So find what that it is and sing it from the top of your lungs.

Nicole xox

Peace at the Park.



Blessings in disguise. They happen every day. Well to me they do but perhaps that is because I look for them. I see an everyday situation and look for the good in it, the blessing.  Today was no different...

School holidays. All kids at home and me having only just put my spoon down from finishing breakfast, I hear the inevitable "I'm bored" "What are we going to do today".

After the night I just had I didn't want to do anything. I would have rather slept, relaxed and did anything but take three children out in public. But I did. Why? Because I'm awesome. No seriously its because I couldn't handle the "I'm bored ... where are we going today"  which was on repeat by my eldest.. So I packed them all up and headed for the nearest park I could find.

I complained all the way. 'I don't want to do this' 'why am I doing this' 'Its too hot for this' etc etc. All this was going on inside my head. Then we arrived and it all changed. The blessing came.

My boys jumped out of the car with such enthusiasm, such excitement, it was almost contagious. I followed them to the park and sat down to watch them. As I did I began to notice something. I started to feel peaceful. I was sitting on this warms summers day in the beautiful sunshine watching my children laughing and having fun. They were so happy and I was happy I had made them happy. I was relaxed and this was the perfect afternoon and the perfect way to spend the day. I just didn't realise it.

The blessing was discovering that not always do I know best. I learnt today that sometimes it is our children who know best. We can all learn so much from them and about life. I learnt that today I had a choice. To sit at home feeling sorry for myself or to go out enjoy the day and play anyway. I know which choice I would have chosen today if it wasn't for my eldest. Thank you son xxx

Hot Chocolate

What I loved today... making my boys hot chocolates. I love that I did this. I love that they didn't ask for one and that I just offered. I love that although this act was something so very simple it made me feel good. Its the little things, the simple things done from the heart that your children will go on to remember. Not the toys you bought them, or how cool their clothes are but the love you gave and the moments you shared.

Think back to your own childhood. What do you remember? What left you with the fondest memories? I bet it too was something simple. If your a parent congratulations. You too have the opportunity in every moment to leave your children with the gift of a memory that will last and stay with them forever. 

Living for Today

Whilst reading someones story of their last moments with their mother I was reminded of mine. It was a day and evening I will never forget and one I am so grateful for. Too personal to share and way to emotional to put into words. It was a day that will live with me forever. 

Thinking about it again I realised that it is without a doubt, my favorite moment and experience of my life. That may sound surprising to many of you - that a favourite moment could be the death of someone close to you. But it wasn't like that at all. It was the day I came alive.

I realised in that moment what life is about and it isn't until you face death yourself or witness anothers that you get it. From that day forward I vowed to live. To live for her.

 Many of us will lose someone we love and when that times comes I hope it is in peace as it was for me. The reason it was in peace is because I had no regrets. I had told her what she meant to me and thanked her for everything.

To this day I am just so grateful I got the chance to do so.

Never hold back for tomorrow what you can say or do today as you never know when your tomorrows or anothers will end.

Nicole  xox

Death. Its going to happen....

Did you know that we are the only species aware that at some point in our life we will die?

I believe this is so we can appreciate life. If you think about it every other species already does, they appreciate and live their life.

I don't see dogs, cats, elephants, fish or any other animal or insect every worry about how they look, who is doing what, or what is to happen next. They just live. Really live. Here, right now. Do you?