I will await you. I will wait an eternity for you, for I already have....
This is how I feel. This is what I have felt from the moment I was born. Well for as long as I have had the conscious awareness of her. She may never be in this lifetime but I will wait.
Its a yearning so strong. One that I could never describe or put into words. Some days are harder than others, when that yearning is stronger. Today is such a day.
However I am ok. I am ok because I believe in a higher power, a bigger plan, god. Whatever it is you call that source of life, the all there is and all that was. For it knows best and always has our best intentions at heart.
We must trust in that source and let life flow the way it does and allow it to take the course it needs to get us to where we are all destined to go.
Today I will trust. I will trust in that higher power. If I am to have a baby girl, my daughter, then one day I will. Until then I will wait.
If not then I will be blessed. Blessed with my three gorgeous sons. Whatever happens I will be happy. I will be happy. I will be grateful.
I have my moments. My entire life, I'd imagined myself the mother of girls. Now here I am, the mother of 10 and 5 year old boys. And finished my family, against my wishes. And no girl. I adore my boys. And if I were by some miracle to be pregnant again, I can't say I would be sad with a boy. I wouldn't.
ReplyDeleteBut there is that part of me. I grieve for the daughter I didn't have. I grieve for the mother-to-a-daughter that I thought I'd be.