I am that love

I will often sit and reflect on my life and just as often, mum.

Tonight I was thinking of my mother and her love for me when I realised something. A secret desire and wish of mine. Well it's not so much a wish but more so something I strive for always. And that is ...

For my boys to feel as loved by me as I did by my mum.

And that there is why I parent the way I do. I always carry her love with me. I remember how no matter what I did, whether it wrong, right, or stupid, I still felt so incredibly loved by her. Always.

Was one of the most beautiful things I've experienced.

I miss her love some days, mainly the days I'm needing it most but then I remember ... I am that love now. It's been passed on to me heart emoticon

I understood.

My 5 year old wet his pants yesterday. It doesn't happen often (in fact it may have been his first time) but what I love is. I didn't react nor get mad. I understood.

Then just moments later when dealing with this mess I hear glass breaking. He has accidentally broken a glass. Again I didn't get mad, nor yell. I understood.

He didn't mean to do either one of those things and I knew he was sorry (his tears and crying told me this) so why yell or be angry?

If I had yelled at him and been mad it would achieve nothing but instill fear in him and result in me feeling crap. So I didn't.

If I had yelled and criticized him it would teach him it is WRONG to make a mistake. It would teach him it is BAD to make mistakes. Not its not. Mistakes happen and you know what ... I've broken quite a few glasses in my time and never once did I hit or yell at myself!

So instead I asked him how we can fix the problem to make it better and together we picked up the broken glass. This teaches him that when you make a mistake its ok, but you then need to try and fix the mistake and rectify it.

Mistakes happen and our children will make many. And they are not bad or evil little people for doing so. They are simply learning their way in this world like we all are, one break at a time.

Today At The Playgound.

I wanted to share something that occurred today as it’s in relation to what I was saying yesterday about the messages we are sending our children. Although most of us never ever intend to send these messages to our kids we do it so frequently without even realising. Take today for example ….

I decided today to pick my eldest up from school 20 minutes early so that my 17 month old  and 4 year old could play in the playground. Not long after arriving a young boy around 2 years old ran up to  my youngest and gave him the biggest cuddle. It was so big that it became a tackle and knocked him over. My 17 month old fell backwards and hit his head on the ground and the young boy landed on top of him. His mother came running over and began to apologise to me profusely. But what she did next is what upset me.

She began to yell at her son. She told him how naughty what he did was and how bad he is and gave him a little smack on his bottom. As I stood there all I could think of was her son and what he was being taught in that very moment.

I explained to the mother that my son was ok and how beautiful and loving her son was. I explained to her that her son was only trying to cuddle and give my 17 month old love and that it was really sweet. She apologised again saying she doesn’t know what’s wrong with him and walked off.

The rest of the time at the playground all I could think about was what this boy had just learnt. He learnt that seeing someone you like and love and giving them affection is naughty, wrong and makes you bad person. He didn’t mean to knock my youngest over and to fall on top of him he was just a little too enthusiastic with his love, and if you ask me there is nothing wrong with that. The world needs a little more enthusiasm when it comes to love.

This sort of thing happens every day. I too am guilty of it at times, like with Julian and his vegemite and cream and how tempted I was to tell him it was wrong and he was silly for wanting it. We have an important job as parents, the most important of all jobs - we are raising our future. It is our children that will take this world in the direction we want it to go and quite frankly I can see where it’s heading if we continue our old ways …..

You Have It So Good.

 

Making my 17 month old lunch I felt so incredibly grateful that I can feed my children. Always.

 It reminded me of something I heard the other day that touched me in so many ways and is bound to reach into your hearts and grab you as it did me. Especially mothers.

A friend of mine told me about a friend of his who recently traveled to Africa to help out in many of the aid programs they have there. In the first few days of her stay she saw the conditions that these people lived in daily, they were hungry, suffering from malnutrition and lived in what many of us would describe as unimaginable. However what stuck her most is what she witnessed one night.

A mother sat in her hut with her three children who were nearly all bones. The children were crying with hunger and begging their mother for food. The mother found a big pot, filled it with water and boiled it over a fire. She told the children that she has some meat and it will take a very long time to cook. Eventually the children fell to sleep crying and tired of waiting and awoke to find their mother and the empty pot. They went to their mother asking if the meat was ready and their mother simply said “I’m sorry but it cooked whilst you were asleep and have missed it, the meat is now gone”.

The lady who witnessed this said she was changed that day. I have to say I am too. My heart tore open as I felt that mothers pain and also felt that mothers love. That mother loved her children so very much that she couldn’t tell them they had no food, she didn’t want to starve them of the one thing they had, hope. How beautiful that mother was. She couldn’t feed her children food but she could still feed them hope, she couldn’t bring herself to tell her children that there was no food and she wasn’t sure if there ever would be….

Think about this the next time you complain that you’re hungry, or when your food is served cold and you wish it were more to your liking. Or how about when you go to your cupboard and say ‘there is nothing to eat’ when your cupboard is full of food it’s just food you don’t want to eat at this time. Think of that mother and her children who right at this very moment are boiling water full of hope.

Be grateful for your life. You have it so good.

Bread Crust Can Bring Joy

What I loved today was noticing we had left over bread crusts. I was taking my boys out anyway and decided last minute to take the crusts with us so we could feed the ducks on the way. Simple things. Simple things like feeding ducks breadcrumbs can bring joy to not only the ducks (who were extremely grateful for the feed) but to my boys who felt delight in doing so.

Life really is simple. We only complicate it. Children do not need fancy toys, games or expensive trips away they only need you and us to show them that life is already exciting and that all they’ll ever need is here <3

Ears and Hearts.

Last night I watched this video posted on facebook.

It touched me quite deeply and I spent my evening thinking about it, mostly through tears.

I  wasn't sure what it was that upset me so much about this video. The boy, Christian, was so obviously loved happy and healthy so it wasn't that. I tried to figure out what it was that was upsetting me and I realised, I felt sorry for him.

I felt sorry that he has to live his life this way and throughout his life be at the receiving end of cruel remarks and jokes. Then I remembered he is blind and will never see his own face and will never see the face of another to compare his to.

This made me realise something profound. As he will never see his own face or be able to compare his to another it is unlikely that he will ever judge another person because he is blind.

So many of our judgements and criticisms are over the way people look, act and do things. To a blind person we are all beautiful. How much kinder of a world would it be if we were all blind and loved each other with our ears and hearts.

I do not in any way take my eyesight for granted or wish I were blind, but it is our eyes that judge not our hearts. That is what I learnt last night. So as sad as I was for young Christian I realised that in his eyes he is as beautiful as you and I.

The Best Place To Be

Whilst in the kitchen tonight making dinner my eldest son asked me “Mum where is the best place to be” he told me to guess.

As soon as he asked me I had an idea of what his answer would be however I thought I would be smart and cheeky and answered “right here at home with mum”. He said “no” and that I had two more guesses as I had three. I’ll admit a part of me was a little hurt as secretly I was hoping that that was his answer. That his favourite place to be was at home with me.

So as I was running out of guesses I thought I would just guess it, what I assumed was his answer. So I answered “the best place to be is Disneyland or a place with lots of rides and rollercoaster’s”. He said “no”. I was shocked. I honestly thought that would be it.

So I was down to my last guess and I couldn’t think of the best place to be that my eldest (as an almost 7 year old) would want to be.  So I thought I’d answer it with my answer.

I said “the best place to be is with god”.

My eldest then looks at me as says a big “Yes”.

 I couldn’t believe it. I think I almost fainted. First that I had gotten the answer right but more so that this was his answer. Something so wise and well beyond his 6 and bit years.

I later asked my eldest why he had asked this question as it was such a random thing to come out with. I asked him if had learnt this at school today as I assumed he must have had religion today. He said that no one told him this he just knows.

Isn’t that just beautiful. Whether you believe in god or not there is truth in that. That the best place to be is with that part of ourselves that never dies. That part that knows, that source from which we all come,  and from which we will all return. What a beautiful insight by a 6 year old and what a gift it was to me. Bless that boy and his heart so pure.

I Love You All The Same

Tonight when I put my eldest son to bed he asked me a question which I'm actually surprised he hasn't asked until now. He asked me who I loved more, him or his brother.

At first I answered with the typical mum response of "I love you both the same" but then I thought about it some more and told him that it wasn't possible to love him or his brother more. I told him that love is love and that you either love someone or you don't.

You can't love someone more than another person because love can't be measured and love is love. If it can be measured and put on a scale between loving someone a little bit and loving someone a lot then that isn't love. That is liking something or preferring something to another thing. Love is love, you either give it or you don't.

So for me it isn't even possible to love one of my children more than another. Yes you could have 'favourites' I guess and at times 'prefer' one child over another but you can never love one more than another because love isn't something that has varying degrees. Love is love. Your either in or your out.

In case your curious that answer did not satisfy my son. He was so much more confused then when he first asked the question. So I just said as simply as I could. Mum has one heart and one love. I love you all the same.

Make Cleaning Fun (or at least a happy time)

This is what I deal with on a regular basis. This mess and it makes me mad. I get so cranky that my days are spent cleaning it up for it only to get this way and worse the next day and even an hour later.

Today I've decided to look at this differently as I didn't want to be cranky today. So here goes ....

1. Had it not been for this 'mess' and the creation of it then I wouldn't have been able to sit and eat breakfast in peace this morning. Thanks to this mess entertaining my children I didn't have to.

2. Its forced cleaning! Today I will sort these drawers and unit out for good and put things were they belong. The kids have just made it easier for me by pulling everything out. I don't have to do that part anymore :-)

3. Look. I actually have a mess to clean. Yay! That means that I own stuff. There are people in this world who have nothing. Not even a roof over their heads. I should be grateful for this as it means that I have stuff to clean.

4. That this mess is my biggest concern at the moment. How good must my life be if this is what annoys me and pisses me off.

Gee I should do this more often. I feel so much better about this mess now. Try it, try it with anything that gets to you. List some positives out of it. This is something I only just then decided to do then and it has worked.

Note: An hour later I cleaned up that mess (which in fact was much worse than the photo would have you believe) and when I did I actually almost enjoyed it.

I Can Provide

This morning my youngest was whinging at me. Crying and pulling at my legs and feet whilst I was trying to eat breakfast. It was hard not to get annoyed. I knew why he was like this too. He was hungry. He wanted to eat also. So I quickly finished my breakfast as fast as I could and fed him. 

When I was feeding him I thought about all those mothers and parents who are unable to feed their children. Who have no food to feed them and how hard it must be to watch a child of yours suffer in pain and hunger.  It was then that I felt such gratitude that I am able to provide for my children and will never have to watch them go hungry.

Today I send all my love to those who don’t have the choice. Who watch their children on a daily basis suffer in pain and hunger.

Time to Stop Being So Serious..

This morning whilst eating breakfast I did the usual thing I do. I ran over the list of errands and things that need doing today. This soon ended as my attention was  drawn to my young boys playing loudly and being boisterous.

They were laughing, happy and enjoying themselves. For a moment I felt a pang of jealously that I am no longer that free, that I have become old with my list of commands and things to do and this had me thinking ...

I thought for a moment that perhaps I too could be that carefree and not have to attend to my list of things that needed doing, but realistically the dishes need cleaning and our clothes need washing. But perhaps my children and our children are here to remind us that life is about play to. That is isn't all to do lists, jobs and things not fun.

Children play when they play and work then they work. I'm not sure I can say the same about myself. I work when I work but when I play, I'm thinking about the work I should be otherwise doing. I also feel guilty for playing. Crazy. But I'm sure I'm not alone.

So much can be learnt from children. We are not here to teach them, but the opposite. They are here to teach us, to teach us how to enjoy life.
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What do we teach them?

The opposite. We (well I know I do) I tell them what not to do and how to do it. I tell them to be quiet, to stop playing silly games and to not pull apart the couch to make a fort. I must vow to stop this.

What's wrong with being creative and playing loudly? Why should I tell them to stifle their joy to a level more appropriate to my ears!

 On a deeper level this is teaching my children not to express their joy and that you should only feel so much joy before you must stop it.  Not something I want to teach them.

I know why I am this way too. Because its the way I was shown, the way I was taught. This is how adults behave and I'm an adult so therefore I too must behave this way. Slowly I am changing this. I am the mum who joins her kids on the play equipment, who gets her face painted also and who jumps on the trampoline in the rain.

Its time to stop being so serious because I'll warn you now ... you may actually have fun, smile and worse ... enjoy yourself!!

I Get Angry

I often get asked "Do you get angry?". Yes I get angry. I am human and I am also a mother, so getting angry happens. The only thing I have found is that now (compared to the old me) I am aware of it. I feel my anger and let it wash over me and know that I am not my anger.

It is so easy when angry to lash out but I don't. Its when I feel myself getting super mad that I realise that this is when I now have the choice. I can be angry, yell, scream, hit etc or I can choose not to be and react from a better place. 9 times of 10 I choose that better place.

The 1 time out of 10 that I don't? Well that's when you see me kicking Xboxs, banging walls and throwing potatoes at heads.. It happens to us all.

 And those examples I used were real examples. The potato incident? Ask my beloved other half - Luke. I missed thank god. I was 38 weeks heavily pregnant and mighty peeved at him, however that is no excuse. The truth is that I didn't know then what I know now ... how to control my anger!

Don't let anger control you. You are not your anger.

Flower Or A Weed.

"The difference between a flower and a weed is only a judgement"

I remember the first time I heard that quote. It really struck a cord with me. We hear sayings and quotes all the time but there are always some over others that remain with you. That was one that did for me.

I loved it because it is so true. Something we call a 'weed' and remove from our gardens are only that because we say it is, or because we are told it is. To the eye of many it is still just as beautiful. Like my 4 year old for example.
 
The flower you see in the picture is a weed. A weed called Patersons Curse. It is also a flower that I am given on a regular basis from my 4 year old. He loves to pick me flowers and as we have no flowers in our garden and only weeds this is all he can pick. And every time he does he tells me how beautiful it is and that it is the prettiest purple flower in our garden.

 Isn't that just beautiful?  As an adult we would immediately label it saying 'oh he's picked some Patersons Curse' yet to him this flower has not yet formed a label. It is a flower like any other flower, it has petels, is brightly coloured and lives in gardens.

So much can be learnt from children. I love their purity, their freshness and outlook on life. They do not judge, they do not label.

When was the last time you called something a weed when in fact it was only a flower with a label? 

Mobile Phone vs A Conversation

I feel rude. I hate this feeling and I have sat here all afternoon thinking about it.

Let me explain....

I was at the shops earlier today with all my boys. All three of them. Three active young boys. I had my youngest in the stroller and I was rushing around trying to get all the items I needed, in as quick as time possible, and to avoid any destruction made by my two active older boys.

A sweet old lady stops me suddenly and begins to tell me how cute my youngest is and that I should take a photo of him holding the loaf of bread. My 10 month old at this point was eating the bread and ripping it apart. I had only given it to him to entertain him and keep him quiet (as us mothers do!).

Before I had a chance to thank the sweet lady my mobile phone rang. I answered it and that ended that. I ignored her and continued on walking with my phone to ear and begun my conversation.

Why did I do this?

What made my phone call more important?

What has happened to us as a society!

When have phone calls become more superior and important than human interaction?

I see it often people cutting short their conversation to pick up and answer a phone. I'm guilty of it too. However with the way I feel now I won't be doing that in future.

I have learnt from it. I can call that person on the phone back. There will even be a record of their call. But that lovely old lady at the shops?  Well I can never call her back ....

Today I have learnt.

My Mother.

Susan Noelene Lanham

32 years ago the woman you are looking at gave me life. 3 years ago her life ended.

Mum you are my hero, my inspiration and my means for everything. Without you there would never have been me and for that I am truly grateful.

You are my grateful. My ultimate gratitude and my reason for being. I love you xxx