I am not God

Trust is sitting at a table with a red back spider underneath it.

Some would say I'm crazy. Asking for trouble. I however know this sweet little lady will not hurt me because I will not hurt her.

I met her yesterday when I, regrettably now, removed a massive egg sack I had discovered whilst cleaning our little table out front.

Reflecting on it later I wished I hadn't binned the sack and instead replanted it elsewhere.

Perhaps her babies will still survive? I hope so.

Because I am not God. I don't decide what lives and what doesn't. It's not up to me. Which is why as I write this she sits with me.

I also know she won't hurt me because she is close to death. Spiders will most often die shortly after laying their eggs. I also poked her yesterday to see if she were alive and she wasn't aggressive or that responsive, she was weak. She is waiting to die. Her job is done and it's her time. Well the job was done, until I removed it.

I know Red Backs are dangerous, more so than other spiders we have so commonly in Australia. But why should that make them less deserving of life!

It is something I will admit here and now that has bothered me for some time on Facebook. All the photos of people's house spiders and later the comment saying I killed it. Arrgh.

It also bothers me that Luke kills spiders, but not all spiders only the 'dangerous ones'. Does that make him any different to racists and other discriminating people. I question it. Why do some spiders get escorted out our house and others the verdict of death.

Perhaps I'm not like most people and I'm ok with that. But I believe in life. I am for life and I don't believe in taking a life, especially when it's not mine to take.

If a dangerous spider where in my bed or house. I would have it removed not killed. And as Luke wouldn't remove the redback for me ( he wanted to kill it) I am siting at this table proving to myself and others that unless you harm a living thing, threaten and or provoke it, it shouldn't bother you. Why would the spider bite me? Why on earth would it want too unless I started sticking my fingers at it!

Nicole. Pro spiders. I may start a campaign one day ha ha. But it gets me. And I've said it. I've admitted how much all of your killing spider photos irk me. Sorry.

Im grateful for spiders. Did you know if we didn't have spiders we'd all chock on insects!

The Yearning..

I will await you. I will wait an eternity for you, for I already have....

This is how I feel. This is what I have felt from the moment I was born. Well for as long as I have had the conscious awareness of her. She may never be in this lifetime but I will wait.

Its a yearning so strong. One that I could never describe or put into words. Some days are harder than others, when that yearning is stronger. Today is such a day.

However I am ok. I am ok because I believe in a higher power, a bigger plan, god. Whatever it is you call that source of life, the all there is and all that was. For it knows best and always has our best intentions at heart.

We must trust in that source and let life flow the way it does and allow it to take the course it needs to get us to where we are all destined to go.

Today I will trust. I will trust in that higher power. If I am to have a baby girl, my daughter, then one day I will. Until then I will wait.

If not then I will be blessed. Blessed with my three gorgeous sons. Whatever happens I will be happy. I will be happy. I will be grateful.