I am that love

I will often sit and reflect on my life and just as often, mum.

Tonight I was thinking of my mother and her love for me when I realised something. A secret desire and wish of mine. Well it's not so much a wish but more so something I strive for always. And that is ...

For my boys to feel as loved by me as I did by my mum.

And that there is why I parent the way I do. I always carry her love with me. I remember how no matter what I did, whether it wrong, right, or stupid, I still felt so incredibly loved by her. Always.

Was one of the most beautiful things I've experienced.

I miss her love some days, mainly the days I'm needing it most but then I remember ... I am that love now. It's been passed on to me heart emoticon

I am not God

Trust is sitting at a table with a red back spider underneath it.

Some would say I'm crazy. Asking for trouble. I however know this sweet little lady will not hurt me because I will not hurt her.

I met her yesterday when I, regrettably now, removed a massive egg sack I had discovered whilst cleaning our little table out front.

Reflecting on it later I wished I hadn't binned the sack and instead replanted it elsewhere.

Perhaps her babies will still survive? I hope so.

Because I am not God. I don't decide what lives and what doesn't. It's not up to me. Which is why as I write this she sits with me.

I also know she won't hurt me because she is close to death. Spiders will most often die shortly after laying their eggs. I also poked her yesterday to see if she were alive and she wasn't aggressive or that responsive, she was weak. She is waiting to die. Her job is done and it's her time. Well the job was done, until I removed it.

I know Red Backs are dangerous, more so than other spiders we have so commonly in Australia. But why should that make them less deserving of life!

It is something I will admit here and now that has bothered me for some time on Facebook. All the photos of people's house spiders and later the comment saying I killed it. Arrgh.

It also bothers me that Luke kills spiders, but not all spiders only the 'dangerous ones'. Does that make him any different to racists and other discriminating people. I question it. Why do some spiders get escorted out our house and others the verdict of death.

Perhaps I'm not like most people and I'm ok with that. But I believe in life. I am for life and I don't believe in taking a life, especially when it's not mine to take.

If a dangerous spider where in my bed or house. I would have it removed not killed. And as Luke wouldn't remove the redback for me ( he wanted to kill it) I am siting at this table proving to myself and others that unless you harm a living thing, threaten and or provoke it, it shouldn't bother you. Why would the spider bite me? Why on earth would it want too unless I started sticking my fingers at it!

Nicole. Pro spiders. I may start a campaign one day ha ha. But it gets me. And I've said it. I've admitted how much all of your killing spider photos irk me. Sorry.

Im grateful for spiders. Did you know if we didn't have spiders we'd all chock on insects!

Heartbreak

My rumi quote for today said ...

"You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens".

I truly believe this. I believe the only way a heart can love fully is for it to be opened. It can either be opened by us and a conscious effort to do so everyday. Or by another person breaking it open for us.

Either way it is to be opened to let love in and like I believe the only way out, is through. I believe the only way in is via a opening. A break ♥

Life is like a box of chocolates

I left a box of chocolates on a bench seat today whilst I was out with Gabe. On it a note I had written which read …

“These are for you. I have left this here for you to find today in the hope it makes you smile and feel loved. Because you are”.

I had bought the pre wrapped chocolate truffles a few months ago as they were on special at the time for only $5 a box. I bought two. I have since given the other away (to the hotel receptionists when I recently spent a night in Sydney) but I still had the one remaining. Which, I had completely forgotten about until yesterday when I saw them in my cupboard.

So today I gifted them. To no one in particular, but I'm sure to the perfect person. The person who was most needing it today.

I trust it landed in the hands it needed too heart emoticon

A Coffee Would Be Lovely

You see this man I just met him. He is homeless and I just bought him a coffee. Now I am not posting this to show you all how great a person I am, but rather to prove how harmless and beautiful those that have nothing are.

So I'm in Sydney at the moment. Spending the night as I have something on tomorrow. Walking the streets just moments ago I passed a dark alley and saw this man just sitting there head down and sad. I smiled at him as I walked past and noticed, that unlike the many other homeless around, this guy didn't have a hat or cup out asking for money.

As I passed something made me stop and go back and approach him so I did. I wanted to help him somehow amd had purposely bought some money with me to bless someone.

I approached him and said

" Can I help you in anyway"? "Is there something I could get you?".

And you know what he said.

" A coffee would be lovely love".

So I said

 "Ok I'll get you a coffee" and started to head off looking for a coffee when he got up and joined me.

"Oh your coming with me" I remarked.

He said

"Yes. Go in here at the 7 eleven coffees are only $1".

That is all he wanted. That is all he asked of me. A man who has absolutely nothing and sleeps on streets.

He was so grateful, kept calling me an angel when all I did was buy him a coffee for $1.

I stayed with him for a while in the 7 Eleven as he made his coffee and waited for the machine to be refilled and listened to his story. We all have a story.

This man taught me never to judge anyone. You don't know anyone's story, only your own. I am so proud of me for following my heart and connecting with a homeless man. A homeless man who when he looked at me with those sad eyes, only wanted love, to be heard, and not a coffee heart emoticon